What I didn’t know

What I didn’t know when I started writing Inside the River:

That once silence is broken open into words, there is no longer silence.

-That once hours turns into years and years gets marked by the amount of drafts redone, what once was a dream becomes an ambitious endeavor.

-That my confidence as a writer didn’t grow because of what I wrote, but what I was willing to rewrite and delete.

-That now, when I read books, I find myself cheering a little inside when the rules and structure of story are exquisitely bent.

-That expectations are the hurdles I chose to place on my path, and my legs are way too short to start learning how to jump at this point in my life.

-That writing the words “The End” would be the ultimate beginning.

-That dipping my modern pen into the social media ink would make my fears begin to lessen into irrelevance.

-That a kind comment from a stranger, matters…a lot.

-That my gratitude for Ana didn’t stop after I stopped writing her story.

-That I have more stories to tell.


Gratitude Unlocks

It may feel easier to hold in your anger, shame, frustration, fear.  Who wants to confront the noise when there are so many distractions out there that feel good, instantly?

I always thought kindness or love or some unexpected or earned success would release it…if my life was like this and this and that then all the other stuff would disappear.  But what I have found, intimately, is that gratitude unlocks it all.  When I can open my eyes and see all that I am thankful for then all the other stuff that is out of my control loses its relevance.  And when I can express my gratitude, then I get to share the best parts of all of us, and together we elevate the world.

I’ve been part of a book club for about 8 years now.  We meet almost every month and so we have talked about a lot of books.  Last night we spoke about my book, Inside the River.  It became this real entity for me, outside of my head, outside of my saved document, felt and interpreted through someone else’s perspective.  Their comments were thoughtful, provocative, intriguing, and helpful.  And like the water that keeps us buoyant, their kindness lifted me up.

I want to thank them….Amy, Gail, Cici, Leslie, Christina, Meryl, and Dalia.